UN resolutions: A play

World: Stop building settlements

Israel: lol, no.

World: We are going to issue a not-very-sternly resolution if you don’t.

Israel: OMG!!! U HATE JEWS!!!! ANTISEMITIC BITCHES!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

World: Ok, Israel, just stop already.

Israel: Lol, no.

World: Don’t make us say something negative.

Israel: WHAT???? U JEW HATING BITCHES!!!! ANTISEMITISM!!! ANTISEMITISM!!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

Israel: Oh, hey world, there’s this BDS thing that potentially means we will eventually be pressured into stopping committing our war crimes, can y’all repress it in the most fascist ways possible?

World: Oh sure, no prob

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

World: Alright Israel, we’ve warned you, here is the not-very sternly worded resolution condemning your illegal settlements

US: We’re just going to sit this one out.

Israel: OMG!!!!!!!!! JEW HATING BITCHES!!! SECOND HOLOCAUST!!!!! THIRD HOLOCAUST!!!!!!! WORSE THAN FOUR HOLOCAUSTS!!!!!! Y U HATE JEWS!!!!! OMG!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO PURPOSELY DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THIS RESOLUTION SAYS PLUS WE WILL YELL AND WHINE AND BE ANNOYING AF!!!!!!!!!

World: Um, we just want you to stop doing the illegal stu…

ISRAEL: ANGERY!!!!!! ANGERY!!!!!! RAAAAAAGE!!!!!! WE WILL IMPOSE SANCTIONS!!!! WE WILL DIVEST FROM COUNTRIES!!! WE WILL BOYCOTT!!!!!! WE WILL COMMIT MORE WAR CRIMES!!!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

Peacewashing is gross

So kittens, this happened a few days ago.

Ynetnews News   Thousands of women rally for Israel Palestinian peace.png

A bunch of Israeli women marched for “peace” in yet another pointless whitewashing exercise that will accomplish nothing. I was rather disappointed to see activists covering this as some act of bravery and saying this wasn’t covered in the media(it was in Haaretz, Ynet, the Washington Post and a bunch of other media – no, I’m not linking, this travesty doesn’t deserve the clicks). This had plenty of media coverage and it was designed to do so, because this is yet another whitewashing propaganda stunt… perhaps I should call it peacewashing.

Peacewashing, or putting up a phony facade of “peace,” in order to continue the status quo in Israel/Palestine, is another tactic, usually used by Liberal Zionists to push the narrative that Israelis just want peas. Peacewashing is shouting “peace” very loudly and doing photo-ops and not actually doing anything. What does “peace” mean? What does a march with no concrete objectives (apart from peas, peas and more peas) accomplish?

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A Pain in My Temple

I am annoyed, kittens. Very, very annoyed. Why am I annoyed? Because the recent uproar over a UNESCO resolution on the status of occupied Palestinian holy sites has been spun in a most ridiculous manner. Reading Israeli and mainstream press you might think that UNESCO has made a resolution that says there are no Jewish ties to Jerusalem or to the Second Temple. People are outraged! Netanyahu is all over the place giving stern, solemn and deeply racist speeches(which is his default state). And you know what? If an international body did say that Judaism has no place in Jerusalem or that the area of Al Aqsa is not important to Jews it would be outrageous as well as obviously factually wrong.

Except. It. Doesn’t.

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The importance of being earnest

Recently a hate site decided to write a hit piece on me, which would be fine, if it didn’t involve doxing because honestly, the allegations they made were dumber than a really dumb brick from the dumb brick factory. Doxing, revealing someone’s private information, is a form of abuse and harassment. It isn’t “exposing” or “journalism” it is done for one reason only – to harass and intimidate… Er, two reasons, to harass, intimidate and to silence speech. Ok, let me start over, the purposes of doxing include harassment, intimidation, the silencing of speech and incitement to readers to commit acts of violence.

Doxing is never legitimate. It is cowardly. It is abusive. It is wrong. No matter what you think of a person’s opinions, fight them on substance, not through dirty tricks.. oh and when a person takes legitimate steps to stop the abuse, don’t whine about it like a whiny little spoiled brat.

So, dear doxers,  you all are little, little, little sad men who have nothing better to do with your lives than try to destroy the lives of others… that’s pathetic really. Even more pathetic that you think picking on women and children, Jewish ones especially, makes you feel like big important people, it doesn’t. It makes you the equivalent of a bunch of frustrated and emotionally-immature teenagers, except y’all are grown and that’s sad.

Anyway, I want to address the “substance” of what has been alleged against me because accuracy matters and stuff.

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A Liberal Zionist vocabulary guide

In dealing with the Israel-Palestine issue, you may run across Liberal Zionists. These are a curious bunch… and by curious I mean insincere and whiny apologists for war crimes. These are folks that talk of peace, of coexistence, when they advocate an ethnically-pure state, support the worst war crimes and refuse to take responsibility for them because it’s just not their fault, even though they supported all the policies to make them happen. Despite their hearts being constantly heavy, they refuse to give up the racist privileges that continue occupation and oppression.

I’ve written a handy vocabulary guide so you can better understand these activists for non-change.For your convenience, vocabulary words are conveniently displayed in red. See how nice I am? Now give me your car keys. Don’t make me get my unhinged cousin.

If you want a comprehensive and interesting look at the history of the Liberal Zionist movement and how the Zionist “left” built the apartheid military regime we have today, I suggest False Prophets of Peace, by Tikva Honig-Parnass.

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Just a little war crime

All I want is to commit a little war crime. Why is this too much to ask?

I want to torture a few people. But they are bad people, they have the wrong colour skin, they speak the wrong language. Just a few. Why not?

I want to rape a few women. They deserve it for reasons I can justify in my mind. Just a few. I’m sure they might even like it.

I want to ethnically cleanse a few towns. Just a handful. Those villagers have plenty of places to go.

I want to execute a few teenagers. I will call them terrorists to make it easier. Families can always have more kids. Besides, didn’t I say they were terrorists?

I want to imprison a few people without trial. You never know, they may have done something bad. We’re all sinners as they say.

Besides, I have a good cause,

I was persecuted. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

I was expelled. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

I was tortured. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

I was ethnically cleansed. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

I was raped. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

I saw my family murdered. Not by them, but I can pretend it was by them. It is easier that way.

You see, this war crime, this little, little war crime, it’s not such a big deal. Why do you deny me?

You must hate me.

 

A hasbara guide to being Palestinian with cherry tomatoes

First of all, let me dedicate this blog post to a Twitterer who has given me the inspiration only cherry tomatoes can provide. (oh and follow him, he’s a damn good follow!)

Note: this is advanced stuff. If you are unfamiliar with the basics of hasbara, please see my basic guide to doing pro-Israel hasbara.

Now, there may come a time, as a pro-Israel activist, where you have to give voice to the people you are occupying to sound authentic, or to appear less fascist. While this is burdensome, it is necessary, not just to “convince” your audience but also to convince yourself; after all, people are happy that you expelled them and keep those that remain under brutal military rule right? Right? RIGHT! Damn you recurring nightmares you won’t get me yet! safeplacesafeplacesafeplacesafeplacedreamofBibi’sbigstrongarmssafeplacesafeplacesafeplacesafeplace.

Ahem, ignore that last bit.

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