UN resolutions: A play

World: Stop building settlements

Israel: lol, no.

World: We are going to issue a not-very-sternly resolution if you don’t.

Israel: OMG!!! U HATE JEWS!!!! ANTISEMITIC BITCHES!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

World: Ok, Israel, just stop already.

Israel: Lol, no.

World: Don’t make us say something negative.

Israel: WHAT???? U JEW HATING BITCHES!!!! ANTISEMITISM!!! ANTISEMITISM!!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

Israel: Oh, hey world, there’s this BDS thing that potentially means we will eventually be pressured into stopping committing our war crimes, can y’all repress it in the most fascist ways possible?

World: Oh sure, no prob

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

World: Alright Israel, we’ve warned you, here is the not-very sternly worded resolution condemning your illegal settlements

US: We’re just going to sit this one out.

Israel: OMG!!!!!!!!! JEW HATING BITCHES!!! SECOND HOLOCAUST!!!!! THIRD HOLOCAUST!!!!!!! WORSE THAN FOUR HOLOCAUSTS!!!!!! Y U HATE JEWS!!!!! OMG!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO PURPOSELY DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THIS RESOLUTION SAYS PLUS WE WILL YELL AND WHINE AND BE ANNOYING AF!!!!!!!!!

World: Um, we just want you to stop doing the illegal stu…

ISRAEL: ANGERY!!!!!! ANGERY!!!!!! RAAAAAAGE!!!!!! WE WILL IMPOSE SANCTIONS!!!! WE WILL DIVEST FROM COUNTRIES!!! WE WILL BOYCOTT!!!!!! WE WILL COMMIT MORE WAR CRIMES!!!!!!

World: *sigh* ok

(Israel builds more settlements, continues to ethnically cleanse Palestine, oppress Palestinians)

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