Do you read mainstream press? Are you confused about certain words that pop up in articles about Muslims? Are you looking to sound smart at Trump rallies? Have no fear! I am here to educate you about common scary sounding words that are associated with Islam. I will do so with overblown and nonsensical similes that tingle the senses, like an electric eel in an octopus costume with the tentacles of education providing the electroshock of enlightenment in every paragraph.