The blogpost that literally blew

I love bad TV. Not just bad TV, but terrible TV. TV so terrible that after you get past wanting to rip out your eyeballs you can’t stop laughing.

I’m glad to say I found this today

The video that literally just blew the BDS movement to smithereens  – Israel Video Network.png

Yes folks, this is going to blow the BDS movement to smithereens (but it’s the BDS folks that are violent and want violence and Israel just wants peace).. and by smithereens, I assume it means BDS activists are going to be laughing so hard that we will need Israel’s latest anti-laughter treatment.

It really is like a bad afterschool special.

And they don’t understand what “literally” means.

And the acting is really bad

And… eh, here we go.

Meet Wyatt. Wyatt is average. He enjoys his electronics… I don’t know how he enjoys his electronics.. I don’t want to know.. I don’t know why but the way they say it sounds needlessly dirty. So Wyatt, after going to church and um.. enjoying his electronics… picks up his cell phone….Dum, dum, dum.

The video that literally just blew the BDS movement to smithereens  – Israel Video Network1.png

Education can be a dangerous thing, leads to thinking and independent though and all sorts of satanic crap!

That’s right, Wyatt is hooked on some dank B-D-S. Uh oh! He’s finding out some facts about Israeli apartheid and violence. Are they true? Do we care? Naw. So Wyatt gets all his BDS  stuff (cellphones, computers, etc. were not invented in Israel) and gathers it in a box.

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What happens next is…stupid

The video that literally just blew the BDS movement to smithereens  – Israel Video Network2.png

Yes, he shoots all the stuff in the box. The computer monitor, the cell phone, the yoghurt… and seriously WTF?! He’s about to shoot a bottle of what I assume is Israeli wine grown on an illegal Jewish-only settlement in the occupied West Bank when his ‘friend’ pulls up. (Why a teenager has a bottle of wine or is shooting a shotgun close to a road we aren’t supposed to ask..he’s a good shot too.. he should be using those talents to kill Arabs!).

Now this friend.. he’s a cool guy, the kind that doesn’t enjoy his electronics, if you know what I mean (though from the bad acting it appears that he may enjoy Wyatt’s electronics…not that there’s anything wrong with that).. we’ll call him Hasbara Poppins who, unlike Mary Poppins doesn’t bring a spoonful of sugar, but instead, a shrugful of annoyed douchebro. He brings Wyatt a burger from McDonalds, which is boycotted by many BDS activists and many other activists for some damn good reasons. Wyatt, being WTF Wyatt, takes the burger or whatever was in that bag, remembers what he read and shoots it.(Kids: being informed is good, shooting food is stupid).

The video that literally just blew the BDS movement to smithereens  – Israel Video Network5.png

Hasbara Poppins asks Wyatt if he’s a Christian and just when you think he’s about to ask for a blowjob, in his obnoxious way he leaves and comes back with… Dum, Dum, Dum. A Bible and he wants to shoot the Bible which is too much even for Wyatt, who apart from not knowing how to protest and organise, is really not such a bad kid, unlike Douchebro here who, for a supposedly likeable mentor figure comes off as slightly less appealing than herpes.

Yes folks, the Bible was made in Israel. I know what you’re thinking. The Judean kingdom thousands of years ago and the modern state of Israel are about as related as bears and proper eye-brow tweezing but yeah. See the Bible mentions Israel “thousands of times”(it doesn’t matter what is mentions, it mentions, that’s enough.. and all the other stuff it mentions… stop thinking you heathen! If God wanted you to think, God would give you a brain!)

But yeah according to Hasbara Poppin-fresh, if you truly support BDS you should become an atheist.. which, hey, is not a bad thing and is far better than supporting the violent apartheid Israeli military regime. But if your faith is important to you, then note that there are countless people of faith that support BDS and that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all command their followers to stand up for justice and not blindly support things that are obviously wrong.

Now you get around 3:37 and Hasbara Poppins becomes, finally, less appealing than getting stung by killer bees on your wedding day, by using one of my least favourite hasbara memes. The horribly dehumanising “so-called Palestinians,” not only denying a people’s suffering but denying the entire people. Honestly, at this point, I know exactly where that gun should be stored.

Hasbara douche-bro then goes on with the standard Israel rocks, Palestinians suck that we’ve come to know and expect and groan at and he finishes with a warning to Wyatt to not worry his pretty little head with thinking and ideas and then disappears like an unpleasant rash, into the sunset.

We end with this:

The video that literally just blew the BDS movement to smithereens  – Israel Video Network6.png

Yes folks, forget about helping your brother and sister in humanity and buy some nasty Sabra ‘hummus‘ and wash it down with some apartheid booze.

As Jesus would want.

Note: After perusing the site, it does seem to be a whole lot of clickbait, when you click you get standard, boring hasbara videos and many others with a distinct Christian Zionist slant. Given Christian Zionists’ penchant for bad hasbara and even worse movie making, it’s not so surprising that this exists.

The video itself is made by a Christian Zionist group called HaYovel which sends volunteers to do farm labour for illegal Israeli settlers in the occupied West Bank and is associated with extremists like Yehuda Glick, who leads a movement to destroy Al Aqsa mosque, and violent politicians like Naftalli Bennett who advocate the mass murder of Arabs. (Yes, they go and do farm work for a bunch of self-entitled armed criminals who could do it themselves but hey.. it’s not like there are starving kids in Africa that need feeding or anything)

 

 

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