We need a Klingon state

As you know, there is no Klingon state. There is no country in the world with a Klingon majority, there is a scattered Klingon diaspora(there totally, totally is) that gets absolutely no love for its acts of self-defence against the Federation. And they have suffered greatly in the last war against the Romulans.

Does this mean we NEED a Klingon state?

The Klingons are clearly a people(sort of). They have a common culture, language, customs, religion. And they don’t have a state. No homeland, none at all. This is very bad. We need to fix it. For reasons.

Klingon_Symbol_001

The future Klingon flag of Klingon Ohio

Now, let’s say that in conjunction with Norgwegian Minister of Colonization Bal Foren, a Klingon state is established in the territory that is Ohio. Klingons have ancestral roots dating back thousands of years to Ohio. When the Klingon ship, the IKS Negh’Var crashed into Ohio, it left behind the first Klingons and many artefacts including coins that can be obnoxiously presented at short notice. Besides, as the Bible clearly says, on page 394:

And ‘lo, onto thy Earth shall there be Klingons and they shall live in the state of Ohio and ‘lo whosoever blesses the Klingons with absolute impunity in their occupation of Ohio shalt be blessed with much of the l00tz, but whosoever curseth the Klingons, I shalt not aid for ‘lo I am petty and thy are going to take my words out of context to justify doing things I tell you not to do anyway so I might as well just make up this bullshit. – Borgs 42:24

So, thanks to Minister Bal Foren we have a Klingon state, known as Klingon Ohio, on paper – now comes the actualising. We have a people, and a state and a territory… just one teensy problem.. there are people living in Ohio. In fact, the native population is not only non-Klingon but it is large and the presence of Ohioans can become a demographic threat – if there are too many Ohioans, it will no longer be a Klingon state and this cannot be, after all we NEED a Klingon state.

Besides, Ohiaons are not a people. Most of those living in Ohio only came in the last 200 years, many not even that long ago. Ohio lacks a distinct culture, you could say Ohioans don’t exist, they are just Americans who are claiming a home in ancestral Ohio, the homeland of the Klingon people.

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Ohioans have 49 other states they can go to and they don’t have the decency to let the Klingons have one? Just one!!! Ohio isn’t a big state either. Also, do you know Americans? Americans are a hostile and violent people. They believe in a violent extremist religion. They start wars. Lots of wars. They are armed-to-the-teeth religious extremists.

you expect the poor, persecuted Klingons, survivors of the Romulan war to live in peace with him?

you expect the poor, persecuted Klingons, survivors of the Romulan war to live in peace with him?

Do we really expect the Klingons, God’s chosen peo.. Klingons, to live in peace with Ohioans? It can’t happen. Ohioans need to be (morally) expelled by force to make room for the Klingons and the Klingon diaspora from all over the universe. The presence of Ohioans is an existential threat.

the sexy gals of the KDF show off that Klingon gender equality!

the sexy gals of the KDF show off that Klingon gender equality!

Klingon Ohio will be a progressive state. It will provide equal rights for all Klingons. Gay Klingons will be able to hold military parades. And Klingon technology? Klingon technology is the most advanced on the entire planet. You can’t not give a state and displace a bunch of people when Klingon Ohio is set to become the world’s most successful start-up nation!

Yes, folks. We need a Klingon Ohio and we need to get rid of Ohio’s population to make it happen. So people of Ohio, these so-called fake “Ohioans”? Start packing, because the Universe’s most moral army will be all too happy to help you move, at phaser-point.

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